I’m done. While I will probably leave this blog online since all of the old posts still get visited frequently from search engines, I will not be blogging anymore.
Here are some great bloggers that you may not know…but should definitely follow:
http://cyndicated.wordpress.com/
http://putonahappyface.wordpress.com/
What a great question. How much time do I spend trying to make people care?
What if I spent that same time and energy trying to find people who already care (even if just a little)?
And then what if I focused my efforts on helping them act on what they already care about?
I had the opportunity to teach to a room full of teenagers this past Sunday morning and I finally realized that 90% of them don’t care. Usually I would spend my energy trying to coax them into playing along, at the expense of the 10% who do care. But this time I focused on the 10%.
I can influence the 10%.
The 10% can influence the 90%.
This past week has been quite an ordeal. My 2 year old daughter has a Urinary Tract Infection which causes her to run a high fever and vomit sporadically. On top of the UTI, she came down with a case of pneumonia as well. I had to cancel my entire week to spend time with her and help her recover. So for obvious reasons, I’ve not had time to blog or even think about things to write about.
I will be back in the saddle again next week.
So for all 3 of you…thanks for your patience.
(You’ve missed my sarcasm, haven’t you?)
At some point during the past 6-9 months I feel like I’ve overdosed on information. Do you ever feel that way?
It’s like you go to conferences, read books, listen to speakers, read blogs, skim your twitter feed, engage in conversation, and it all just becomes some jumbled mess. It’s almost as if we’re waiting for that one big idea…that one passionate speaker…that one thought provoking book…and THEN our life will really take off. Maybe it speaks volumes about how we view ourselves. Do we see ourselves as lacking? Unprepared? Unqualified?
We seem to forget that knowledge won’t change anything. The proper application of that knowledge, however, will change things. But as soon as we hear one idea (which may be the very thing we need to hear), we’re already in search of the next great idea. (Some of us just want the next big idea so we can later regurgitate it and take credit for it.)
Let me be 100% clear: I’m not against educating yourself and learning new things. But obtaining information is just a means to an end. Be honest with yourself. Do you have any intention of changing? For me personally, I’ve decided I’m finished with conferences for at least the rest of 2010. I’m not reading any more leadership books (I’m still reading, but for enjoyment). I’m focusing on applying the knowledge I already have. You may feel differently, and I would love to hear your thoughts, but this is just a little glimpse into where I’m at right now.
The 5th way we repel friends & frustrate people is what I will call “withdrawals”. Let me explain:
If you deposit $0 in your checking account and go to make a withdrawal, you will get nothing…right?
Because if no deposit has been received, then you can’t make a withdrawal. (Unless you are the Federal Government, but that’s another post)
Let’s take it a step further. If you make a deposit of $1,000 at 9AM and go down the street to make an ATM withdrawal at 9:10AM, you will probably get nothing…correct?
In this case the deposit has not been recognized. You’ve put your money in the account, but the system will usually not recognize it so quickly. And you can kick and scream at the ATM all you want, but if the deposit has not been recognized then you’re not withdrawing anything.
The deposit must be given, received, and recognized before you can make a withdrawal. What does this have to do with repelling and frustrating people?
To ask for a “withdrawal” from a person before value has been received and recognized damages the relationship. You may be able to get by with it a few times depending on the person you’re dealing with. But how much better would your relationships be if you were focused on adding value to one another instead of just making “withdrawals”?
In business it often takes weeks, months, or years for clients to receive and recognize the value that you bring to their lives. But once they recognize it, then you have a two-way relationship. At this point there are referrals of friends and family members, repeat business, and a deeper level of rapport that makes business more enjoyable. In our personal relationships it works the same way but on a much deeper level. In your marriage and other relationships, are you focused on adding value or making withdrawals?
Ask yourself when you’re dealing with the people in your life today: Has value been given? Has value been received? Has value been recognized?
You can click here to read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, & Part 4 of this series.
In previous posts we’ve been discussing the things we all do to repel friends and frustrate people. Here’s #4 : “Pimping”.
Have you ever been pimped? Have you ever been the pimp? I think we probably all have. You strategically create a roster of faux-friends that you can put into the game whenever you need them. I experienced it just this week when a family member who never even speaks to me called me to come and fix his computer for him. PIMPED! (Well, not quite pimped, because I referred him to the Geek Squad.) We’ve all been pimped and we’ve all pimped others.
So how can you tell if you’re pimping the people around you?
Be honest. As soon as they stop “putting out”….is the relationship over?
A pimp is only interested in what people can do for him. Now its easy to think of this in terms of tangible things like wanting someone to fix your computer, but it can be much more subtle. What you’re wanting from them could be completely emotional but its still pimping. You might “love” someone because they always agree with you…but as soon as they stop agreeing with you then they are dead to you. Face it, you’re not as slick as you think you are. People see your little game a mile away. It repels them. It frustrates them. And it makes you look like a pimp.
You can click here to read Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 of this series.
It’s funny how all the disgruntled people seem to to sit together in church services. They always seem to find a row where they can all unite. I’m talking about the infamous but rarely mentioned “frown row”. I believe every church has at least one. This is the row that you NEVER make eye contact with from the stage.
But the tricky thing is I don’t think anyone usually ever knows they are sitting on “frown row” until it’s too late. It just doesn’t register with you for some reason. Maybe you think you are “discerning”. Maybe you think you are “interceding”. Maybe you’re just reaching out to a disgruntled friend. -OR- Maybe you have a bad attitude. Maybe you’re mad at God. Maybe you’ve been hurt and you’ve never healed. Maybe you’re really good at lying to yourself.
Those are just thoughts. But to make it easier, here are some ways you can tell that you might be sitting on “frown row”:
If you answer “Yes” to any of the above questions then you might be sitting on “frown row” this Sunday. But luckily I have a surefire method to get you off of “frown row”. Are you ready? Here is a GUARANTEED way to get off and stay off of “frown row”:
Say something good about your leaders. Talk about how your life has been changed through their sacrifice. Mention how God has consistently used them to spur you on and to develop you into what God created you to be. Give testimony of how God is using your church and the leadership of your church to completely transform your life into something you never dreamed possible.
If you do that, they won’t allow you on “frown row”. You have to go start your own row. Choose your company wisely.
The third thing I want to talk about that repels and frustrates people is “categorizing”. We’ve all been the victim and the culprit with this one. Simply stated: We like to put people into nice little categories. For the sake of clarity, here’s the Amplified version of that last sentence for you:
We [You and I] like to put [force] people [complex, ever-changing, growing creatures] into nice little [it's never a compliment, but rather a belittling over-simplifying of a person] categories [rigid and predictable labels].
Doesn’t that sound ridiculous? But we do it. The woman who isn’t scared of all the insecure men at her workplace gets labeled as one of “those women”. The man who won’t sit around and play ‘hot or not’ with his friends gets put into a category as well. Call it stereotyping, making generalizations, or whatever…but we are all guilty of it.
So how does this translate to leadership, you might ask?
Growing up I was always put in the “funny guy” category. Even if I tried to say something serious and meant it with 100% of my being, it was still taken as a joke. It always frustrated me that I was expected to be one-dimensional and I quickly disbanded from any leader that put me in such a category. Looking back, the leaders that had the most influence in my life viewed me as a multi-faceted person. I wanted the opportunity to be funny, serious, sarcastic, strategic, and dumb all in the same conversation. And the people that you see everyday probably feel the same way. Trying to categorize the people around you will bring about one of two outcomes:
My challenge to you is simple. Think about the people you interact with. Write their names down if you have to. What comes to mind when you think of them? If you had to write a short description of them would it be longer than one sentence? If so, then great. If not, then keep looking. There’s more in them.
Today I’m participating in a massive blog post project from Stuff Christians Like. Here is my part of the scorecard:
82. When they make the final 12, they mention that “God is really expanding their territory” = + 3 points
To add up your score with over a 130 other ideas on this scorecard, visit stuffchristianslike.net.
I’m not finished with our series on “How to Repel Friends & Frustrate People” but I just had to take a moment and discuss something that’s been on my mind about social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter, myspace, and blogging.
Whether social networking sites enhance or detract from real-life relationships is still yet to be seen. But one thing that has blown my mind is how revealing Facebook, Twitter, and blogging can be of our true hearts. You can learn a ton about people by who they are interacting with online and what they are saying to each other. People that would never have relationship in any other capacity are suddenly best e-friends. Social recluses suddenly become the life of the online party.
Let me point out one thing: Facebook, Twitter, and blogging won’t make you a coward. You were a coward before you ever sat down at the keyboard. You were angry, hurt, and felt alone before you ever even set up your profile. Social networking hasn’t enhanced or detracted from our relationships…it’s just revealed the truth about us. It’s something about your desk chair that fools you into thinking that you have a backbone…but you don’t. You’re a gossip. You’re divisive. You’re hurt. You’re angry. You’re lonely. You’re tired. You’re a coward.
I know it’s ironic for me to even discuss this via a blog but I can’t think of a better way. My challenge to you is to be honest with yourself. Are you angry? Are you hurt? Then get off the computer and go have that conversation that you need to have. If you have to, walk away from Facebook for good. Unfriend people, stop following, and unsubscribe from blogs. Get up from your desk chair and use your backbone. You can do it.
Do you agree/disagree? What effect do you think social networking has on relationships? What steps do you take to best utilize social networking in your life?
My name is Ricky Patrick. I write because I think. I post those thoughts online to make you think. So read often and comment freely. Thanks for visiting.
