The 5th way we repel friends & frustrate people is what I will call “withdrawals”. Let me explain:
If you deposit $0 in your checking account and go to make a withdrawal, you will get nothing…right?
Because if no deposit has been received, then you can’t make a withdrawal. (Unless you are the Federal Government, but that’s another post)
Let’s take it a step further. If you make a deposit of $1,000 at 9AM and go down the street to make an ATM withdrawal at 9:10AM, you will probably get nothing…correct?
In this case the deposit has not been recognized. You’ve put your money in the account, but the system will usually not recognize it so quickly. And you can kick and scream at the ATM all you want, but if the deposit has not been recognized then you’re not withdrawing anything.
The deposit must be given, received, and recognized before you can make a withdrawal. What does this have to do with repelling and frustrating people?
To ask for a “withdrawal” from a person before value has been received and recognized damages the relationship. You may be able to get by with it a few times depending on the person you’re dealing with. But how much better would your relationships be if you were focused on adding value to one another instead of just making “withdrawals”?
In business it often takes weeks, months, or years for clients to receive and recognize the value that you bring to their lives. But once they recognize it, then you have a two-way relationship. At this point there are referrals of friends and family members, repeat business, and a deeper level of rapport that makes business more enjoyable. In our personal relationships it works the same way but on a much deeper level. In your marriage and other relationships, are you focused on adding value or making withdrawals?
Ask yourself when you’re dealing with the people in your life today: Has value been given? Has value been received? Has value been recognized?
You can click here to read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, & Part 4 of this series.